Of tsamba, fools and silent walks

Commencement Speech for this Year's Batch of Ateneo High School
Graduates

By Gerry Esquivel

What follows is the message of Architect Gerry Esquivel to the
graduates of Ateneo de Manila High School Batch 2008, delivered
at the commencement exercises on Sunday, March 30 at the AHS
Covered Courts.

Magandang hapon sa inyo.

Bumababa na ang standards dito sa Ateneo high school. Pati ako
pinagsasalita na sa commencement exercises.

Tinanong ko si Father RB kung puede makipagswap sa ibang
commencement speakers. Sa Prep na lang sana ako magsasalita.
Hindi siya sumagot?. Parang nagsesecond thoughts na yata.

It has always been my job at home to tell stories to my younger
children before they go to sleep. I still do this especially to
my 8 year old son. Stories about warriors. Giants. Hidden
treasures.

This graduation talk is nothing really more than that, silly
stories. Of Tsamba. Fools. And silent walks.

Bago ang lahat, meron lang akong aaminin sa inyo:

First. I did not graduate from Ateneo high school. Mabuti pa
kayo. For whatever reason I found myself completing 4th year as
an exchange student in a public school 20 miles south of
Boston.

Second. While I have always bragged about my belonging to the
honors class, I wasn't a very bright student. Pagsi at one
point gave me a 74 in English. Cheekee gave me a semestral
grade of 72. And I barely passed Physics.

Third. High School wasn't all fun and games for me. I was
bullied and insecure. I was nowhere near as intelligent as my
classmates. 4A produced graduates from Harvard. Stanford.
CalTech. I even have a classmate who hangs out with Nobel Prize
winners in Economics.

And yet, and yet, my dear graduates, life has its own crazy way
of coming full circle. Funnily enough, I find myself a
non-alumnus, a mediocre student, and a loser by high school
standards giving this commencement talk.

And this twist of destiny, itong biro ng tadhana, I like to
call tsamba.

STOREY NO 1. TSAMBA

I asked Enzo's friend's what they thought tsamba meant and they
said? Luck. Swerte.

Right after high school I told Tatay of my plan to be a Jesuit.
He told me "Gerry take any course in UP, the easiest course you
can find."

So I decided to take a 4 year course, BS Foreign Service.
Sinabihan na naman ako ng Tatay, "Gerry, mag-architecture ka na
lang, magaling ka namang magdrawing." I said yes. I found
myself completing Architecture in UP, passing the board exam,
and shortly right after entering Arvisu house as a pre novice.
Finally, I said. My heart rests.

Shock no 1. The Jesuits wrote me a letter of rejection to
Sacred Heart. I was devastated. I planned priesthood since high
school. Pinagbigyan ko na ang Tatay, it was time I said that I
pursued my own.

Lesson no 1: no matter how noble your goal in life is, it can
never be a substitute for God's Holy Will.

Reality no 1. Shattered dream. No plans. No money. My career
break came in when I got a job to build a kitchen cabinet. I
had no experience in construction. But my initial assignment
led me to build bigger kitchen cabinets, chapels for funeral
parlors, and garage renovations. Since then I have abandoned
design and architecture. And after that first job, that small
kitchen cabinet, I have taken on bigger and more exciting
projects. To think that all this started with no experience, no
plan, and no capital. Luck? Swerte? Tsamba!

And of course the greatest tsamba of my life, Beng. She belongs
to the sister class of my section. She knew all my classmates.
Syempre puera ako. Di ako nagpaparty. Wala akong kotse. Wala
akong magarang damit. Wala akong pera.

But one clear day, 11 years after high school, I accidentally
met the most beautiful woman in my life. I fell in love. I am
sure that the best decision I have ever made, was to marry the
girl of my dreams, the school girl that I should have met in
high school. Luck? Swerte? Tsamba.

At itong mga nangyari sa akin after high school, at itong mga
puedeng mangyari sa inyo, tsamba ba talaga lahat ng ito. Luck?
Swerte?

Tsamba I believe is about an overwhelming and powerful spirit
of thanksgiving. That Tsamba is all about trusting. That tsamba
is all about grace, and God's providence.

Some of you may not have gotten in to the university of your
choice, you may have worked real hard and barely made it today,
you may be terrified that you still are unsure on what to do
after graduation. Relax. To all this, you must say thank you.

The world is open to those with a grateful heart. There is an
infinite layer of tsambas in this world.. And while some events
appear to be fueled by accidents and luck, Karl Rahner put it
so rightly when he said, "Accidents? ... there are no accidents
in our lives. Only grace."

STOREY NO 2: COMPANY OF FOOLS

I am sure that in your 4 years of high school, you have done
some pretty silly stuff. Some form of prank. Some kind of
mischief that got you in trouble. And during these years you
have also made fools of yourself.

Fr. Macayan would stop by EAPI on his way to the JR and talk to
the trees that he planted. He would point an angry finger at
the trees and tell them? "You dumbbells? why are you not
growing as fast as I want you to?" He was a silly man.

But you know, my dear graduates, what is sillier and more
foolish is that Fr. Macayan died a few years back alone in the
Jesuit infirmary. While some of his siblings and Jesuit
brothers were there, he died without family. How silly when he
could have used his higher math to be an engineer and raised a
family and built a career of his own.

And yet this silly and foolish man chose to live a very boring
life. Teaching first year Algebra. Checking papers, Talking to
trees.

I remember Pagsi. He was always so engrossed with his story
telling. While reading to us the story, The Most Dangerous Game
, he was like an actor auditioning out for a play. His saliva
spurting all over. But what is sillier and foolish is that I
remember visiting him in his house when I was in first year as
I visit him now. He still lives in the same house along Esteban
Abada. No major improvement. No major expansion. Walang ganoong
pagbabago. And yet Pagsi has taught Presidents of companies,
corporate leaders, movers and shakers. I am sure he does not
mind. He is happy with his work, happy with his boys, and at
peace to be a founding member of God's army of fools.

Let me now share stories of silliness after high school.

For the last three years, Enzo and I would visit my carpenters
in a squatter's area on Christmas day. Medyo off yung timing
because it's the day when then there is much revelry, gifts,
visitors, when there is food and drinks in abundance in our
home. There we would drink beer and eat tilapya with them and
they would tell Enzo their own kwentos. I am not sure what this
does to my men. Not too sure what this does to Enzo. All I know
is that the timing is off, the schedule is tight, and the
activity is rather silly.

I was skimming through scripture, when I read a verse about
feeding the hungry. Clothing the naked. And visiting those in
prison. Right there after closing the Bible, without thinking,
(which I often do), I immediately called the Jesuit chaplain in
New Bilibid Prison and asked him if I can visit him the
following day.

In that meeting I decided to finish the chapel in the minimum
security area. It took me close to 2 years to finish. But
before I left that first visit, Fr. Willy toured me around. (
Let me share a side side story) And there tugging along our
tour was a man that kept asking how I was. Nabigla ako ng
tanungin niya ako?. Kamusta na po si Enzo? Si Ina? Si Ma'am
Beng?
Patay..

" Sino ka?"
" Driver po niyo ako."
"Bakit ka naman nandito?"
"Carnapping po."

Young men, there are 16,000 inmates in New Bilibid Prison. I
was Bombay's first visitor. Silly and foolish stories.

I have made several trips to Payatas. Not so much to fix a
school in Payatas 13. To reflect. To ground myself. To stand on
a hill.

There I met Josebeth. An 11 year old who lives in Samar.
Nagbabakasyon daw siya sa Payatas. Kasi nanduon ang kanyang
pamilya.

I asked her what she wanted. " Wala po. Ok ako dito." Her
direction was clear.. Nothing distracts her. All that she
wishes is to be with family. No wish of toys, clothes, or
special food. Such a silly and foolish girl.

My dear graduates. Please. Do not think that I ask you now to
drop all your dreams. Join the Jesuits, join an NGO and be
amongst the poorest of the poor. No. No my dear graduates. This
is not what I wish to say.

Dream. Be happy. Live. Excel. Express. Tell the world who you
are and who you can be. Profit from this world.

Create a life deserving of your visions. There must be no
boundaries to your dreams. There must only be drive. Direction.
Desire. You must be hungry to achieve. To commit to nothing
else but the very top. To try.

All that I wish to share with you today is that together with
the drive, direction, and desire is that you sprinkle your
journeys with tiny moments of silliness and foolishness. To
reach. To share. To give. To find it in yourself the foolish
thing that makes you true. And while your journeys take you to
the glamour of business and profession, find time to bask, to
sun bathe and spread your arms wide enough to dance and sing to
the beautiful music of fools.

STOREY NO 3. SILENT WALKS

I visited Father Joey Fermin in Medical City and asked
permission if I could share this story with you. He said yes.

I am sure that all of you know that he is ill. Fr. Joey went
out for a walk inside campus. His best friend Fr. Aydee
accompanied him. They went around the Ateneo grounds for close
to 45 minutes. But what is interesting is that they returned to
the Jesuit Residence after that long walk without uttering a
word to each other. They didn't talk.

But I am very sure that Fr. Aydee wanted to tell Fr. Joey that
he was praying for his recovery, that all would be well in the
end, and that should he need anything, he would always be there
for him.

I am also very sure that Fr. Joey wanted to tell Fr. Aydee that
yes, I really need your prayers and support; that I am scared
and unsure of this illness, and that I appreciate you taking
this walk with me when I know you may have some concerns of
your own.

And why do I share this with you? Because there may be some
similarity with this story and our journeys together, you as
adolescent sons and us your parents. That there may be moments
when we will both take these long and silent walks. When it is
unclear whose pace we follow, yours or ours. When there is only
respect, and love shown in every step. When words cannot
capture that which we both feel inside.

Like Fr. Joey's and Fr. Aydee's long and quiet walk, we will
all need to return to our own JR.

But remember that the Jesuit Residence is not a place to return
to but a quiet corner in your heart tucked away where the noise
of this world cannot reach. Siguradong hindi kayo lahat
magkakasama- sama sa college. Iba iba ang inyong pupuntahan.
And during those years, the phone calls will lessen, the text
messages will not be as frequent, and you may have developed
some new friendships of your own. There will be silence and
long walks. You must return. To the 4 years of friendship, the
victories in band competitions, the exciting dates you had
together, the defeats in intramurals, the first taste of beer.
The fun. The laughter. The friendship you will take forever.

You must also return to your mentors. Those who formed you
these high schools years. These silly Jesuits. Your foolish
teachers. They who taught you everything they knew. And not
held back. Whose only desire is to produce brave men that will
pay forward the luxury of a solid education.

After several years, when you have built your empires, you MUST
return to the ATENEO. And I advise you to physically take these
long and quiet walks. By yourself. Or with your best friend.
And recall the steps you freely took before and realize that
your deepest desire really and without doubt is to be the high
school student you once were. Excited. Full of life. Idealistic
and free.

I visited Fr. Macayan 3 times before he passed away. I shared
stories with him even if he can hardly talk. I told him,
"Father, si Gerry Esquivel ito. Estudyante niyo sa Algebra." He
was weak and could not respond. "Fr. Si Gerry ito kaklase ni
John at ni Patrick." His eyes lit up and murmured. "Yes. John.
Patrick."

I left JR feeling a little bad. My Algebra teacher did not
recognize me. He did not remember me. But then I realized that
it was not so important that he failed to remember me but what
is more important, I remembered him.

Congratulations young men. This is your moment of glory. Throw
your cares into the wind. Do something really silly today.
Approach the teacher that gave you your lowest grade. Sabihin
mo, "Babalikan kita Ma'am. Babalikan kita sir." Not out of
spite or revenge but out of gratitude for keeping you awake at
night studying. Go to Fr. RB and the Jesuits. Magyabang kayo.
Sabihin niyo sa kanila "Father, pag successful na ako sabihin
mo sa akin kung ano ang puede kong ibalik sa High School."
Yabangan niyo. Shake hands and greet all your batchmates.
Especially those whom you hardly know. Those that you have not
talked to. Sabihin niyo sa kanila, "Pare?. Congratulations?
KitaKits." Because today, after this graduation there will no
longer be a 4A. 4B. Or 4C. Today, your badge of honor will be,
"Atenista ako! High school batch 2008."

Magbarberohan kayo sa isa't isa. Last few days to see each
other. Sabihin ninyo ?. "Pare.. Pag doctor na ako?gagamutin ko
kayo. Pare. Pag abogado na ako?ipagtatanggol ko kayo. Pare. Pag
arkitekto na ako?.idedesign ko kayo ng magarang bahay. Pare pag
film director na ako?.gagawin ko kayong artista. Pare pag
Heswita na ako?.. ipagdarasal ko kayo palagi?????. Pucha Pare
kahit ano man ang mangyari?. Magkaibigan tayo."

Good luck to all. It's your turn to weave your own foolish
stories. Pakatandaan lang ninyo?. Na kahit ano mang paikot-ikot
ng kwento ng buhay ninyo, ano mang akyat at baba?. Ay di kayo
maaring makaalpas sa higpit ng yapos ng ating Panginoon.

I end with a blessing to you.

"Humayo kayo. We release you from being a child. From being
within easy reach of our tight embrace. We will watch you from
afar. We will hide our tears when we see you fail. We will
share our smile when we see you prevail. All that we ask, is
you take these walks with us. It may be silent. But God will
allow us to savor it? because it is in silence that we hear God
the most."

We are proud of you. We love you. Hanggang dulo. Habang buhay..
Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam.

(...inque hominum salutem.)

"For the greater glory of God and the salvation of humanity."