June 20, 2013

It Matters Whom You Marry

My husband and I were once with a youth group. There were three kids sitting across from us at a meal: two guys and a girl. The one guy was a computer geek with glasses. The other one was a college student with slightly cooler hair and no glasses. The girl was obviously with him. But while the computer geek was busy serving everyone at the meal, clearing plates and garbage, the college student got angry with the girl for a small accident and poured red juice over her leather jacket and white shirt. She picked the wrong guy, and the juice didn’t seem to change her mind. She is in for some grief if that relationship continues and especially if it leads to marriage.

So to all the young, unmarried Christian girls out there, listen up: who you marry matters. You might think that the way he treats you isn’t so bad. It’s not going to get better after the wedding. You might think that he’ll change. It’s possible, but most don’t. You might think that you’ll be able to minister to him and help him. Possibly, but if you can’t now, you won’t then, and you will be at risk yourself. A husband should lead and cherish you, not need your counsel for basic personality or behavior issues.

Unless someone married is very frank with you, you can’t understand how much a husband will impact your entire life. Next to salvation there is no other long term event that will change so many areas of your life so deeply. Here are just some of the ways that marriage will impact every aspect of living.

1. It will impact you spiritually. If the guy is not a believer, you can stop right there. You have no business yoking a redeemed soul with an unregenerate one, even if he seems open to change. Christ has bought you with a price and it is not an option to give away that blood bought heart to someone who doesn’t know and love your Lord. It will cripple your spiritual development, open up a host of temptations, stifle your prayer life, make regular church going difficult, and cause massive parenting conflict if you have children.
If the guy is a believer, is he a strong one? Will he lead you in prayer, Bible reading, family devotions, and public worship? Or will you be on your own? Is he going to make spiritual growth a priority or do other things come first? Is he going to ask you how it’s going with your soul so he can help you grow in holiness and love for Christ, or will he leave that to your pastor? Is he going to lead the children in this, or will you have to spearhead that? In church, is he going to help the kids sit well, pray, find the hymn, or will you be the one pointing out what is happening next and helping the family keep up? Many women have married spiritually immature men, thinking that it wasn’t a big issue, or that the man would change, and they were wrong. They bear the scars.
The health of your eternity is at stake. Think carefully.
2. It will impact you emotionally. Is the guy you’re thinking of going to encourage you, love you, be kind to you, and seek to understand you, or will he want to go out with the guys when you’re having a hard night? Will he listen when you are struggling with something or will he be preoccupied with a video game? Is he going to be annoyed when you cry or will he get you Kleenex and give you a hug? Is he going to going to understand that you are probably more tender than he is, more sensitive to issues and comments, or is he regularly going to run rough shod over your feelings? One woman was struggling to breastfeed her new baby, believing that that was the best thing for her, but it was very difficult. Instead of giving support and encouragement, the husband would make mooing sounds whenever he saw his wife working at it. We have to get rid of princess complexes, but we do have emotional needs. Any guy who is uncaring about your feelings and self esteem is selfish and should be left alone.
Be careful – a husband can cripple or foster emotional health.
3. It will impact you physically. Is the guy you’re with going to provide for your basic needs? Will he be able to shelter, clothe and feed you? At one point in our marriage, I was worried that there was no employment opportunity. My husband assured me that he would work at McDonalds, dig ditches, clean up roadkill – whatever it took to provide for the family, regardless of his gifts and training. That’s the kind of attitude you want. A man who doesn’t provide for his household is worse than an infidel (I Tim. 5:8). You might have to help ease the financial burden, but unless your husband is disabled or there is another unusual circumstance, you shouldn’t have to carry it yourself.
Will the man you are with care for your body or abuse it? If he gives you little smacks, kicks, etc. when you’re dating, get away. It’s almost guaranteed that he will abuse you after marriage, and stats show that’s especially true when you are pregnant. Is he going to care for and protect your body or will he hurt it? There are women in churches across America who thought it was no big deal to have little (sort of friendly) punches or slaps from their boyfriends, but who are covering up the bruises from their husbands.
Will the man you are with care for you sexually? Is he going to honour the marriage bed in physical and mental faithfulness to you or will he flirt, feed his porn addiction, or even leave you for another woman? You can’t always predict these issues, but if the seeds or practices are already there, watch out. I recently saw a newly married couple and the husband was flirting openly with another woman. Unless something drastic happens, that marriage is headed for disaster.
Is he going to be tender and gentle to you in bed? An unbelieving co-worker once told my sister that after her first sexual encounter, she had trouble walking for a few days because her boyfriend was so rough. In other words, he wasn’t selfless enough to care for the body of the woman he said he loved.
Watch out. Your body needs care and protection.
4. It will impact you mentally. Is the man that you’re thinking of going to be a source of worry or will he help you deal with your worries? Is he going to encourage your intellectual development, or will he neglect it? Is he going to value your opinions and listen to what you are thinking, or will he disregard your thoughts? Is he going to help you manage stress so that your mind is not burdened that way, or is he going to let you struggle through issues alone? Is he going to care for you and be thoughtful of you if you are experiencing mental strain, or will he ignore it? I know of a woman who could handle pregnancy and child birth very well physically but postpartum depression took a huge toll on her mind. The husband overlooked it, continuing to have more children, until his wife ended up in a mental institution.
You might think that the intellectual or mental side of a marriage is small. It’s bigger than you think. Consider it seriously.
5. It will impact you relationally. How’s your relationship with your mother? Your dad? Do you love them? Does your boyfriend? Fast forward ten years: you tell your husband that your mother is coming for the weekend. Is he excited? Disappointed? Angry? Making snide jokes with his friends? Of course, a husband should come first in your priority of relationships, as you both leave father and mother and cleave to one another. But parents are still a big part of the picture. Whatever negative feelings he has about your parents now will probably be amplified after marriage. Your marriage will either strengthen or damage – even destroy – your relationship with your parents. The people who know you best and love you most right now could be cut out of the picture by a husband who hates them.
It’s the same with sisters and friends. Will they be welcomed, at reasonable times, in your home? Will the guy who you’re with encourage healthy relationships with other women, or will he be jealous of normal, biblical friendships? Will he help you mentor younger women and be thankful when older women mentor you, or will he belittle that?
Don’t sacrifice many good relationships for the sake of one guy who can’t value the people who love you.
So how will your boyfriend do after the vows? Because this is just a sampling of the ways that a husband can bless or curse his wife. The effects are far reaching, long lasting, and either wonderful or difficult. True, there are no perfect men out there. But there are great ones. And it’s better to be single for life than to marry someone who will make your life a burden. Singleness can be great. Marriage to the wrong person is a nightmare. I’ve been in a church parking lot where the pastor had to call the police to protect a wife from a husband who was trying to stop her from worshiping and being with her family. It’s ugly. Don’t be so desperate to get married that your marriage is a grief. If you are in an unhappy marriage, there are ways to get help. But if you’re not married, don’t put yourself in that situation. Don’t marry someone whose leadership you can’t follow. Don’t marry someone who is not seeking to love you as Christ loved the church. Marry someone who knows and demonstrates the love of Christ.

June 11, 2013

When you see this


Ballpen, Remember
Malawi.C.Africa.

Thank you dear Nova once again.

Yes, you are leaving me. I am worried because no matter what, in my life, never will I find a person like you- who you are. But one thing that gives me hope is the person you are- full of life, whatever you touch, you give life, clearly seen from your face, food, hands, etc. that life you give to people, nature affirms me that even though you are leaving, the life you will live will have/give true life to others e.g. a joke: your family members.

I have a strong hope that one day you will be an authority or superior and everyone will stand and thank God for choosing you. You are more HUMAN CAPABLE OF ANY LIFESTYLE.

May we pray for one another. This life as you know has many challenges. Pray for me to endure in faith.
Safe flight my sister +Regards to my brother.

♥ Lucy Liphale

I will miss you.
Indeed.

People are different
But you are special
Highly to be missed

By Lucy Girl.
**********************************************
I really love this message. it’s my favorite, in fact, among all the parting messages i received from friends and the sisters and brothers. i always re-read this whenever i feel down and it never fails to raise up my spirit. i haven’t told lucy how potent her words had been for me.

i just read Today’s Catechism (about the conscience) and i am specially moved by the part that says: Practically nothing else makes man more human than the gift of being able personally to distinguish good from evil and to choose between them. I took note of the part about being “more human” and remembered lucy’s words. When I was reading it, I did not know what she meant by that phrase. I did not ask her.
In our conversations, once or twice she told me that she felt I am “more human” I never bothered asking what she meant. Oh well, now I know.

I should tell her about my realizations and discoveries.
Moreso, about my gratitude.
I miss the sisters and my FIR classmates.
Hope they are all well and persevering in their formation.
Posted 3 weeks ago

April 20, 2013

chicken recipes

http://kellysiewcooks.com/2013/04/05/ayam-percik-kelantan-mff-kelantan/

http://www.foodcanon.com/2011/05/soy-sauce-chicken-si-yau-kai.html

http://www.foodcanon.com/2012/03/steamed-chicken-in-ginger-sauce.html

bookmarking these for next week ;)

March 21, 2013

long time, ha

i am back in the world
with my sister and brother
this evening, we attended the recollection at edsa shrine given by father benjo
was really nice
was affirmed to defend the faith
and to always be charitable
in this year of faith
all believers are called to rediscover and share the gift of faith
i was given this one person
to share it with
may the good Lord help me and teach me
how to approach him
i am relying on God's mercy and grace
amen

and yes,
i was with ate and dondon
we ate out after the recollection
enjoyed the time spent with them
we brought home pasalubong pa for ate myrna

on the way home
i was just saddened seeing three boys
i remember giving money to them when i saw them out from church
i saw them again, going home after dinner
and they were sniffing rugby!

i was furious!
i told them i gave them money and made them feel guilty for what they were doing
mabuti, they listened

hay, Lord!
what would happen to them?
please Lord, grant me the means to help them
or lead them to people who could
please Lord, have mercy on your people

these are my prayers for tonight
and for the one person
i pray for his conversion
and his friend's conversion
help them know you more, Lord

in Jesus' name, i pray.

November 27, 2012

how much longer, Lord?

please...
I really want to go home now...

November 05, 2012

November 5, 2012, Night Prayer




Examination of Conscience

Mother Foundress said that [we should never] forget that the only things that matter here on earth are the things that will lead us to heaven, and that all events, whether sad or joyful, must serve to bring us there.

[Pause]

As another day ends, let us yet again thank God for all His wondrous blessings: the restful night and the beautiful morning that ensued; the Eucharist we partake and His enriching Words; our modular class this day and the new friends that we met.

Let us praise and thank the Lord for all these and His many other gifts today.

Let us thank Him for His faithful love and guidance.

[Pause]

Let us likewise humbly accept our failings of this day: our uncharitable thoughts, words and actions towards ourselves and our neighbour. Let us ask the Lord for pardon for our shortcomings in responding to His graces and for our lack of compassion and gratitude.

[Pause]

Trusting in the Lord’s immeasurable mercy and forgiveness, let us pray:

Lord Jesus, you opened the eyes of the blind, healed the sick, forgave the sinful woman, and after Peter’s denial confirmed him in your love.
Listen to my prayer: forgive all my sins, renew your love in my heart, help me to live in perfect unity with my fellow Christians that I may proclaim your saving power to all the world.

October 29, 2012

WATER


I read somewhere that you’re my element.
I believed it- though there have been many instances when I felt fear in your presence.
Ironic and truly perplexing!

I have lots of memory of you. I realized now that most of my happy moments were with you. My sister, my brother and I would almost always take our vacation with you- at the sea.
And these are really precious times of relaxation and peace and quiet: irreplaceable time of being with the most important people in my life.

I really treasure them.

Even though I have had scary moments with you also-
like when I nearly drowned when I was carried by the strong current in the river in Batangas; when I felt terribly dizzy on the boat when we were crossing the sea to get to Boracay Island; and when we went snorkling at 50 feet deep for the first time.

Little by little I learned to cope with the reality of Your power. I dare not resist.

I just accept (you) and in my own little way, through the means available to me, I try to learn to live by you and sail by.

I tried snorkling again and had tremendous time! I asked a friend to teach me how to swim so now, at manageable depth, I could float and wade through.

I enjoyed your company! I saw your immense beauty! Indeed, who could contain the marvel of your presence?!

You gave me peace.

More importantly, I realized that I cannot live without you.
Oh, the wonder that you are!

Thank you for the gift that you are!
Thank you!

October 25, 2012

HUMILITY


“The Church must learn humility from Jesus. God’s power and might appears in the self-emptying of the Son, in the love that is crucified but truly saves because it is emptied of self for the sake of others."

“The Church must discover the power of silence. Confronted with the sorrows, doubts and uncertainties of people, she cannot pretend to give easy solutions. In Jesus, silence becomes the way of attentive listening, compassion and prayer. It is the way to truth.” 

“The seemingly indifferent and aimless societies of our time are earnestly looking for God. The Church’s humility, respectfulness and silence might reveal more clearly the face of God in Jesus. The world takes delight in a simple witness to Jesus—meek and humble of heart,”
(Archbishop Tagle)